Charm is that intangible quality which draws attraction and creates a connection.
Legendary French actress Sarah Bernhardt defined it as: “You must have charm to reach the pinnacle. It is made of everything and of nothing, the striving will, the look, the walk, the proportions of the body, the sound of the voice, the ease of the gestures. It is not at all necessary to be handsome or to be pretty; all that is needful is charm.”
It’s a key ingredient for success in a social setting, but what about the business environment?
Inner Life Skills (ILS) Master Coach Asanda Gcoyi from South African capital Pretoria says charm is extremely important in business.
Having graduated cum laude with an MBA from China’s Peking University, Gcoyi has worked in Beijing and has coached in intercultural settings in various areas including global leadership development, entrepreneur development and life coaching.
“Some people are really just not charming and they make absolutely no effort to be. There’s almost a lack of awareness about how important this is, especially in business.
“Charming people possess social skills that enable them to go out there and generate business on behalf of their companies. Whether it’s a budgetary request or pitching a new project, charm goes a long way in ensuring your proposal is listened to and even considered,” says Gcoyi.
She highlights that having charm is far removed from being a “people pleaser”.
“It’s rather the ability to get your way because people can relate to you and your personality, mannerisms and the way you carry yourself inspires confidence. Charm is by nature verbal and non-verbal. Verbal in that you say what matters and non-verbal in that your gestures are synchronized with your words.”
While some professionals may be natural charmers, there are techniques to cultivate a charming manner according to Gcoyi:
Open ended questions, such as “what do you think about….” This invites thought and a considered response which goes a long way in creating more authentic connections with others.
Be a good listener – you can do this in two ways: either by backtracking, which means you use the same words that the other party uses, i.e, pick a word they have used and include it when it’s your turn to speak. The second way is to mirror and match the other party through tone and language (verbal and body). Gestures such as nods need to be appropriate and tasteful and not as if you are rushing a person through what they are saying, or being dismissive.
Eye contact conveys self-assurance as well as saying you care about the communication taking place and you are giving it your undivided attention. It’s important to note that this applies in a Western setting as direct eye contact in other cultures, including some Asian and African, may read it as intimidating or even arrogance or disrespect.
Smile and laugh – a smile is the surest way to win favor in most interactions, but can never be enough in itself. A winning smile is usually accompanied by open and inviting hand gestures for example.
Genuine pleasure – when you are authentic, you speak with others from a place that is not pretentious. Open mindedness tends to lead to a genuine interest in others.
Durban-based Arthie Moore, CEO of Celebrating Humanity International and Co-Founder of the Transformational Leadership Institute, says a charming person “has the type of personality that adjusts to be inclusive of everyone, anywhere and at any time”.
She says John Maxwell’s book, The 5 Levels of Leadership highlights that leadership is about character.
“According to Maxwell, to become a person of influence, one has to have integrity, values and a strong character. To have charm adds to that mix and allows one a journey of continuous growth as a charismatic leader.
“Charming people have the ability to adjust their tone, body language, eye contact and way of interacting to make sure that others feel comfortable in their space. At the same time, they are thoughtful and have meaningful conversations. They do not undermine or overpower with their own opinions. In order to succeed, we need to adjust continually to become more effective. A charming leader who is effective is guaranteed to succeed in leading and inspiring their entire teams. Success just follows on as a natural progression,” says Moore.